Or, your writing would be tighter and more active if you would lose those "feelings." Today, we're going to talk about the word, "felt." I've seen many authors try to make their writing more active (as opposed to passive) by getting rid of "was" and replacing it with "felt." However, we have to understand that "felt" can be as passive as "was" can be. Although--and please listen to me here--neither WAS nor FELT are always passive. Both words have their place in a story, so don't be afraid to use them; just use them well.
So felt: Let's take a look at what we can do to Active-ate some sentences.
He felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.
The hair on the back of his neck stood on end.
She felt the blood drain from her face.
The blood drained from her face.
She felt the light touch of his fingers on her shoulder.
The light touch of his fingers on her shoulder [insert reaction here].
She felt sick to her stomach.
She fought back the nausea.
He was sure the only way to fix the problem was to tell the truth now.
He felt sure the only way to fix the problem was to tell the truth now.
[both of the above are the same]
The only way to fix the problem was to tell the truth.
Only telling the truth would fix the problem.
[If we're in "his" point of view, then we know these are his thoughts/feelings/beliefs]
He felt the muscle in his leg protest the workout.
The muscle in his leg protested the workout.
She felt her hair move in the breeze
The breeze ruffled her hair.
Her hair moved in the breeze.
Hope these brief examples will give you a little more insight in how to tighten your work when you begin your next edit or new project.
You've Lost that Loving Feeling...
Related Posts:
Writing tip: Fleshing out a sceneSometimes when we write, we have experience a bombardment of images that we want to get out on the page. When that happens, writing usually flows well. We click along, pouring out everything that’s in our heads. We’re so in t… Read More
Make-A-Story™ Monday - This Week's Writing PromptWriting to spec – you’ve heard the term. It means writing what the publisher wants. Can you do it? In our new feature - Make-A-Story™, we ask you to create a story with these elements. The story can be set in any time frame, … Read More
Write What You Know...I’m sure most of you have heard this advice at some point during your writing career, but never is it more important than when infusing God into inspirational fiction. Writing what you know affects characterization to the Nth… Read More
Monday Make-a-Story™ - This Week's Writing PromptWriting to spec – you’ve heard the term. It means writing what the publisher wants. Can you do it? In our Monday writing prompt feature - Make-A-Story ™, we ask you to create a story with these elements. The story can be … Read More
The Perfect Model of a HeroineAs I was praying, it came to me that Jesus’ mother, Mary, is the perfect example of what our heroines should be. Not that I’m surprised to find great models within the pages of God’s Word; but I thought it would be a great ex… Read More
**Although--and please listen to me here--neither WAS nor FELT are always passive.**
ReplyDeleteI'm listening! Although I can usually get rid of "felt" if I try hard enough. Thanks for the examples, they're useful and far better than simply saying "change it."
Hey Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteEven a truly passive sentence here and there adds to the flavour of a story. I've even seen authors edit sentences to where the sentences no longer make sense, just because he/she was trying to get rid of the word "was."
The trick is to look up those "trigger" words that can be the sign of passivity (like "was" and "felt" and those dratted "ly" words), and then change the ones that can be changed, and leave the rest alone. :)
Glad the examples helped.
Hi Nicola,
ReplyDeleteCan you give some examples where a story is told in first person?
Thanks
Lee
Hey Lee,
ReplyDeleteHow about: I felt the muscles in my leg cramp from the strain.
To: The muscles in my leg cramped, sending spikes of pain that felt like shattered glass.
Next: I felt my eyes grow tired and my lids began to close.
To: My eyelids slowly closed as sleep {insert elaboration here}.