What is it?
A dialogue split is when a character says something, then does an action, then continues speaking.
“Look! It’s a plane! Mary exclaimed. “No, wait, it’s a space ship!”
This is perfectly fine as a sentence.
However, I’ve been seeing a lot of this:
“Cassandra,” Joe said firmly, wondering if Cassandra would even listen to what he had to say about Gerald’s time in the jungle and the fact that he claimed to have seen a leopard turn into a human. “Do you think maybe Gerald was seeing things?”
Mechanically, there is nothing wrong with the sentence. All the ‘t’s’ are crossed, all the ‘i’s’ are dotted, commas and periods in the right place. Capitalization is proper and grammar is...well..we won't go there. :)
However, the dialogue is disrupted by Joe’s thinking about a 3rd character.
There are three people in this scene, even though Joe is only speaking to Cassandra.
The third character, Gerald, is actually the center of attention.
In romance, as much as possible, the hero and heroine should be the center of attention.
Cassandra paced the room, frowning with concern. “Joe, you were there in the jungle, did you ever see anything like Gerald claims? Will you start spouting weird stuff about the jungle after we’re married? Is this something I need to worry about?”
Gerald will be my new brother-in-law, better keep the peace.
“Cassandra,” Joe said, firmly. “I enjoyed my time in the jungle and didn’t experience anything out of this world. Do you think maybe Gerald was seeing things?”
The focus of the sentences have now returned to hero and heroine. Sure, they’re discussing another person, but now, the reader has their feelings in the forefront of the scene. Cassandra is worried about Joe, based on her brother’s response, but Joe is reassuring her he’ll be fine, despite the brother’s mind slip.
Try hard to temper dialogue splits without the distraction of another person, or speculation on their actions or thoughts. Keep the focus on hero and heroine, even when they are discussing someone else. Put the hero and heroine’s feelings and actions in the split, not someone else’s.
Be careful, too, that your dilaogue split is needed. Don't break the tension unless it is truly necessary.
27 April 2010
20 April 2010
Policing Procedure
The title is a play on words of an actual method of detecting crime and how crime books are written – they are called police procedurals. Because the actions are so important to working out how the crime happened, it is important to clue the reader in step-by-step so they get a fix on how the crime was committed and who the guilty party may be.
What does that have to do with romance? A lot. Romance should not be written via a procedure. Romance is character-driven and people are not linear, nor do they do things in chronological order every time.
Let us look at the definition of PROCEDURE:
a particular course of action
a process or series of acts
a set sequence of steps
Many writers use procedure in their manuscripts. A connect-the-dots series of actions to take their characters where they want them.
The issue is that it bogs down the manuscript whose primary goal is to develop the romantic relationship. Making the characters go through specific steps over and over is tedious. Yes, it is important that the reader understand where the character is in the scene, but it can be written much tighter.
An example pf procedure:
Mary unlatched the screen door and then opened it, stepping out onto the porch to walk down the sidewalk to collect the mail.
A better, tighter way to write it:
Mary went to get the mail.
Look at your manuscripts and eliminate over long sentences that describe a series of steps. Ask your critique partners to be on the lookout for procedures that simply bog down the character’s actions. Writing tight action allows authors to spend more time on developing character and romantic relationships.
What does that have to do with romance? A lot. Romance should not be written via a procedure. Romance is character-driven and people are not linear, nor do they do things in chronological order every time.
Let us look at the definition of PROCEDURE:
a particular course of action
a process or series of acts
a set sequence of steps
Many writers use procedure in their manuscripts. A connect-the-dots series of actions to take their characters where they want them.
The issue is that it bogs down the manuscript whose primary goal is to develop the romantic relationship. Making the characters go through specific steps over and over is tedious. Yes, it is important that the reader understand where the character is in the scene, but it can be written much tighter.
An example pf procedure:
Mary unlatched the screen door and then opened it, stepping out onto the porch to walk down the sidewalk to collect the mail.
A better, tighter way to write it:
Mary went to get the mail.
Look at your manuscripts and eliminate over long sentences that describe a series of steps. Ask your critique partners to be on the lookout for procedures that simply bog down the character’s actions. Writing tight action allows authors to spend more time on developing character and romantic relationships.
13 April 2010
Moments You Can Use...
There a times when a writer gets to a point where the scene is descriptive, the dialogue is crisp and the meanings are clear to the reader. But time moves forward, and there is a transitional stage where one must fill up that time with a Moment. A Moment is one of those little everyday occurences that seamlessly bind the fabric of our stories together.
I look for Moments all over the place. I find them in unusual spots, outside, inside, in the car, etc. What is a Moment? Some of the following are Moments that I've discovered.
My friend, telling me about her three-and-a-half-year-old grandson leading his cousins and aunts and uncles in a parade around the house. The delighted child then heading to his room to make each and every one of them put on a hat and continue the parade.
My daughter, a teenager, grown up, mature, trying her wings with dignity and spirit, crossing the road on the way to the school bus, so that she can jump and play in a pile of leaves.
An aunt, the light in her mind dimming with age, brightening up to tell about the time in Switzerland when she stopped to pick the edelweiss flowers and a cow backed up and made a deposit in her lap.
My husband and I, each of us standing by our cars, on our way to work. He stops a Moment, the sun glinting on his hair, a smile is on his face for all the world to see and he tells me that he loves me one last time before he goes to work.
Did each of you get a sense of something wonderful? Did you feel the tug of memory and warmth? The light of love was in each Moment. Little special memories that each of us have, a snapshot in our heads that develops a whole story. A story of a few sentences, that can make a bridge between dialogue and scene. Use them. Not only will your story become more real to the reader, but you've put a little of your own history into it. Moments are everywhere. By observation, you can pick out Moments. Pay attention to the look of Moments. Don't just describe the action.
If you look at each of my Moments, you see a description of what that person is and will become. The child in charge, the teenager being a child, the aunt preserving a family story, the husband seen with love. These Moments make terrific devices to move a scene forward in a gentle way. Moments are not filler. They are the means in which your reader identifies with your character. Small means, but important to your reader's insight. Your reader, after all, is an observer, peeking into the lives of the people within your story. Look around. See if you can find Moments that you can use to enrich your story and that will bond your reader to that story until the very last word.
I look for Moments all over the place. I find them in unusual spots, outside, inside, in the car, etc. What is a Moment? Some of the following are Moments that I've discovered.
My friend, telling me about her three-and-a-half-year-old grandson leading his cousins and aunts and uncles in a parade around the house. The delighted child then heading to his room to make each and every one of them put on a hat and continue the parade.
My daughter, a teenager, grown up, mature, trying her wings with dignity and spirit, crossing the road on the way to the school bus, so that she can jump and play in a pile of leaves.
An aunt, the light in her mind dimming with age, brightening up to tell about the time in Switzerland when she stopped to pick the edelweiss flowers and a cow backed up and made a deposit in her lap.
My husband and I, each of us standing by our cars, on our way to work. He stops a Moment, the sun glinting on his hair, a smile is on his face for all the world to see and he tells me that he loves me one last time before he goes to work.
Did each of you get a sense of something wonderful? Did you feel the tug of memory and warmth? The light of love was in each Moment. Little special memories that each of us have, a snapshot in our heads that develops a whole story. A story of a few sentences, that can make a bridge between dialogue and scene. Use them. Not only will your story become more real to the reader, but you've put a little of your own history into it. Moments are everywhere. By observation, you can pick out Moments. Pay attention to the look of Moments. Don't just describe the action.
If you look at each of my Moments, you see a description of what that person is and will become. The child in charge, the teenager being a child, the aunt preserving a family story, the husband seen with love. These Moments make terrific devices to move a scene forward in a gentle way. Moments are not filler. They are the means in which your reader identifies with your character. Small means, but important to your reader's insight. Your reader, after all, is an observer, peeking into the lives of the people within your story. Look around. See if you can find Moments that you can use to enrich your story and that will bond your reader to that story until the very last word.
05 April 2010
The Throwaway and Overused Word List
Editors have a list of words they prefer not to see at all, prefer to see as little as possible, or prefer to be spelled or used only in certain ways. At White Rose, our current list is fluid, simply because sometimes, the wrong word can be used the right way.
A few of the throwaway phrases I tend to eye with suspicion, and then edit out (or not):
A lot of
To tell the truth
Going to go
Along with the fact
Of all people
Anything but
What on earth
In the first place
In order to
In particular
I’ve got to (and its buddies - We’ve got to, You’ve got to)
Overused words I tend to glare menacingly at and then edit out (or not):
Actually
Almost
Although
Because
Really
Still
Though
Usually
Like – often used in place of ‘as’
Spellings we agreed upon at WRP, despite American thesauruses (thesaurasii?):
OK
For the Christian Gothic Romance
Honour
Colour
Moustache
Neighbour
Rumour
Flavour
As with all things, writing and editing is subjective. Should the phrase or word be perfect for the sentence, or the character, I will leave it in. Such a phrase that often gets left in is “going to go.” When it is written as dialogue, it is natural in American speech. Used in a telling sentence, it’ll most likely be edited out. The ‘find’ function (under the edit tab) in MS Word can be quite useful in giving authors a chance to edit before turning in a submission.
A few of the throwaway phrases I tend to eye with suspicion, and then edit out (or not):
A lot of
To tell the truth
Going to go
Along with the fact
Of all people
Anything but
What on earth
In the first place
In order to
In particular
I’ve got to (and its buddies - We’ve got to, You’ve got to)
Overused words I tend to glare menacingly at and then edit out (or not):
Actually
Almost
Although
Because
Really
Still
Though
Usually
Like – often used in place of ‘as’
Spellings we agreed upon at WRP, despite American thesauruses (thesaurasii?):
OK
For the Christian Gothic Romance
Honour
Colour
Moustache
Neighbour
Rumour
Flavour
As with all things, writing and editing is subjective. Should the phrase or word be perfect for the sentence, or the character, I will leave it in. Such a phrase that often gets left in is “going to go.” When it is written as dialogue, it is natural in American speech. Used in a telling sentence, it’ll most likely be edited out. The ‘find’ function (under the edit tab) in MS Word can be quite useful in giving authors a chance to edit before turning in a submission.
04 April 2010
Holy Week: Easter Sunday
"Do not be afraid! I know that you are seeking Jesus the crucified. He is not here, for he has been raised just as he said." (Matthew 28: 5-6)
He is risen! Alleluia! A Joy beyond all understanding is upon us. Christ lives!
Easter is the beginning of our new life with Christ. Let's renew our commitment to live a holy life. Let's create time for additional prayer where we can commune our Risen Lord. Let's ask the Risen Christ for courage and strength we need to become faithful witnesses to the World.
03 April 2010
Holy Week: Holy Saturday
"We were indeed buried with him through baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might live in newness of life." (Romans 6: 4)
Today, the darkness of the tomb begins to be replaced with a growing joy and anticipation. Christ will soon rise to defeat death and to throw open the gates of Heaven.
Let's reflect for a few moments on the ways in which Christ has brought us out of our own personal dark moments and carried our weaknesses and fears, our troubles and doubts, into the light of a new day. Let's rejoice and give thanks to God for our wondrous salvation.
02 April 2010
Holy Week: Good Friday
"But He was pierced for our offenses, crushed for our sins; upon him was the chastisement that makes us whole, by his stripes we were healed. We had all gone astray like sheep, each following his own way; but the Lord laid upon Him the guilt of us all." (Isaiah 53:5-6)
3:00 PM. The blackest hour. Jesus has died. Innocent of all crime, He willingly went to the cross for one reason and one reason only--so that you might live. You. It's personal. If the only sin on earth was the white lie you told last week, He would have been born and suffered and died, so that you would not have to pay the wage for that sin: death.
Yes, this is a black day. We have crucified Christ with our sins. Let's try to keep an awareness of Our Lord's suffering in our hearts throughout the day, and at three o'clock, let's pause for a moment or two of silent meditation as a remembrance of Jesus breathing his last.
01 April 2010
Holy Week: Holy Thursday
"While they were eating, Jesus took bread, said the blessing, broke it, and giving it to his disciples said, "Take and eat; this is my body." Then he took a cup, gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which will be shed on behalf of many for the forgiveness of sins." (Matthew 26:26-28)
On this night, Jesus celebrated the Passover seder with His disciples. An important day for all Christians--the day Christ tells us of the new and everlasting covenant. For Catholics, this holds an additional significance: The institution of the Eucharist, the "source and summit" of the faith, which is Christ's Body and Blood.
Let's reflect today on the blood of the new covenant. By His stripes we are healed. By His blood we are redeemed. By His resurrection, we are saved from death. As we walk into tomb with Him, we have a reason to celebrate!
Catholics, let's also ask for the graces we need to truly believe in Christ's presence in the Eucharist and to approach the altar with reverence and awe.
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