Conflict development: ensuring proper progression

Lately, I’ve been seeing a goodly number of manuscripts where there are conflict discrepancies. For example (Not from a ms. submitted to White Rose): Jane Heroine works for XYZ church. She’s enjoying her job and spending time with Joe Hero, another employee of the church. Then, one day—several chapters into the story—Joe Hero asks her to help him prepare a special prayer service, and Jane Heroine thinks, “I can’t do that. I had a really bad experience with church-going folks being mean to me when I was a child. Church-folk are hypocrites, God never listened to my prayers for deliverance from these people, and I quit praying a long time ago.” (Of course, if she’s painting all church-goers with the hypocrite brush, caution needs to be taken [see the previous post about heroines being heroic])

Anyway…now, you may be wondering what’s wrong with that. It makes for good conflict, the fact that a non-praying heroine has to organize a prayer meeting—and it does. This is an excellent vehicle to help her rebuild her relationship with Christ. However, there’s a major flaw here—not in the conflict, but in how the conflict has been developed. We’ve been in this story for several chapters and we’ve never heard before that the heroine doesn’t pray. In fact, the logical assumption is that she does. After all, she works for XYZ church. She doesn’t seem to have any issues with faith, so when we hear she’s had a bad experience in her backstory and mean church-goers are the catalyst for her move away from faith, we wonder, “Hmm, why is she even working for a church?” Realistically, people tend to shy away from those things that have hurt them in the past. If Jane Heroine’s experience was so bad that it caused her to make the decision not to pray, why would she take a job where she has to deal with church-folk on a regular basis?

What needs to happen here is a set-up before the “non-pray” conflict is revealed. Early in the story, we need to know that Jane Heroine took the job at the church because she lost her previous job (for example) and had to take the only thing available, and now she struggles with trying not to be judgmental towards the current church-folk, whom she logically knows are not the same people who were mean to her in her backstory. If the information is just dropped in several chapters into the story, it reads as though the author just made up the conflict on-the-fly as she was writing the scene where the hero asks for help with the prayer service—which for authors who are “pantsers” can happen. But if it does happen, be sure to go back through the early parts of the manuscript and weave in the set-up for the newly-developed conflict.

Conflict cannot be something just thrown in at any given moment. It has to be constructed in a logical sequence, hinted at, melded with character development and plot progressions. If it isn’t, it throws the reader out of the story, and then we’re sunk.

As A Woman Thinketh

Lately I’ve seen a recurring theme in some of the manuscripts I am reading. I have written about it before in the general terms, but specifics might be more helpful. Let us first start with a definition. The following description is taken from http://www.thefreedictionary.com/heroine

Her•o•ine

1. A woman noted for courage and daring action.
2. A woman noted for special achievement in a particular field.
3. The principal female character in a novel, poem, or dramatic presentation.
4. A woman possessing heroic qualities
5. A woman idealized for possessing superior qualities
6. The main female character in a novel, play, film, etc.

Romance novels take a small aspect of a person's life - the developing relationship between a man and a woman, and preserve a snapshot for others to read about.

By their nature, heroes and heroines must act with morality and ethics. This is because the reader must be endeared towards them, to identify with them, to think that in the same circumstances, the reader will act with the same character...courage, heroism and with a tough, inner sense of fair play.

Presenting your heroine in a good light is essential to that goal. The heroine can have negative emotions, but only for the right reasons. She cannot come across as holier-than-thou, prissy, or uppity. Although actions speak louder than words, much of the building of character takes place in the heroine's point-of-view - her thinking.

If she thinks the hero is rude, crude and undignified, this speaks more about her assumptions than it does about the hero. She is judging, usually without basis, in the manuscripts I've been reading. I've read about heroines who think the hero is disgusting (author's word), who thinks the hero needs a lesson with a 2 X 4 board (author's words), and who think the hero should have some form of physical punishment (again, author's words). These are not the thoughts of a heroine. They are judgments, and demeaning ones, at that. Physical violence in a Christian novel is not acceptable, even in thought, unless it happens to be in the villian's POV, and then it needs to be handled delicately, too.

Another thing I am seeing pertaining to the heroine is smirking, glaring, hissing, and so on, directed at the hero. Using negative verb action to imply conflict isn't heroic. Conflict is not simply acting mad at the hero. There should be a deep emotional context in which it is used, a life-changing instance in which all the heroine thought was right is turned upside down. Smirking at a less-than-stellar hero isn't conflict - it smacks of making fun of him. The subliminal connotation then becomes different - a hero who can be made fun of comes across as a weak in some way, and not deserving of respect.

Use positive verbs, feelings and emotions to show your heroine's moral and ethical dilemmas. She can act negatively, but it must be for a serious reason and there must be consequences to her actions. She can be a poor, lonely orphan forced to steal...but only because she has to feed younger siblings. She can be a glamorous movie star, faced with the horror of war, and being grossed out at the loss of life and limb, but she has to overcome to be an angel of mercy. A weak stomach and terrifying thoughts are okay, but with it needs to come strength of character and a resolve to change her situation in a proactive way. Do not use negative connotations carelessly. Craft your heroine with care.

Covert Emotion/Building Character

I am a character-driven editor – give me a good, solid character and you will grab my attention from the beginning of your novel.

How can you build character with covert emotions?

By allowing the hero/heroine to respond without consciously thinking about what is happening around them. When people think on purpose, it means they are conscious of the end goal. But the thoughts that come unbidden reveal a truer character.

Jim saw the accident and screeched to a halt, shaken from the resounding crash in front of him as two cars collided.

The sentence is too long. Too much information is loaded and it loses impact. Also, note that Jim is shaken. There is nothing wrong with being shaken, but in this case, the subliminal message is that Jim is weak. When crafting a hero, you do not want him to appear weak. Heroes can cry, they can be shaken up, but you have to use the context carefully to allow them to remain courageous, strong and prepared for any situation.

Screeching to a halt, Jim jumped out of his car and ran to the smoking wreck. Look for survivors!

Here is the almost identical sentence, using some of the same words. However, now we’ve implied a man who takes immediate action. The emotion is covert. Jim is responding. Not only that, he is subconsciously thinking about what to do. He is trying to solve the problem (look for/save the survivors).

As yet, Jim hasn’t spoken a word, yet his character is being built in the second instance. A man who takes action. A man who thinks of others…qualities a hero can have. The reader is now engaged. They want to know more about this man. Is this the hero? Curiosity is making them turn the page.

Consider your hero/heroine’s actions and his/her subliminal clues that impart knowledge of their character. Work your words to imply covert emotions, actions and intent. The result will be strong, likeable people who jump from the page and feel real to your readers.

Developing Relationship

In romance, the paramount part of the story is developing a relationship. Hero and heroine should meet quickly, have an emotional reaction to each other, and create the capacity to further the relationship in a romantic way.

Thirty pages of the heroine’s or hero’s past, told from her/his own and others’ points of view, is not developing the relationship. Backstory has no impact. Backstory is the past, always static and never changing. It is also simply a passive retelling of events. And remember, romantic fiction works better when you show, don’t tell.

Start the story where the hero and heroine meet. Establish an emotional bond as quickly as possible. A physical bond, such as noting the other’s attractiveness, is an okay start, but by delving straight into emotion, the bond is stronger and the reader begins to identify with the protagonists much quicker.

Spend the rest of the novel keeping the hero and heroine together as much as possible. Find reasons for them to meet, whether by accident or design. Play up each meeting with emotional impact – what they are feeling, rather than what they are seeing. As I’ve noted in other articles, a good way to do this is to pretend your character is blind, and then use the remaining senses to tell the reader about that character.

“Merry Christmas!” Jeanie moved towards the door, pulling her scarf tighter against the chill outside. Stepping out into the crisp winter day, she sighed with delight. “Oh!”
“Pretty, isn’t it?” Jarrod Smith stepped forward, a brightly colored shopping bag in his hand.
“It’s like a Christmas card.” The scent of cinnamon wafted from the bakery next door. She looked up at him, noting his eyelashes were coated with snowflakes as he lifted his face into the sky.
“This is my favorite time of year.” His laugh was infectious and she joined in.
“Mine, too!”
“I love the smells, I love watching people scurry about, although I’m not too fond of shoveling the wet stuff.” He grinned. “Listen!”
Then she heard it. Bells jingled as two horses came dancing down the street, pulling a small sleigh.
“Want to go on a sleigh ride?” He didn’t wait for her answer. He grabbed her mittened fingers and ran across the street. Jeanie felt warm hands around her waist as he lifted her into the seat.
“Hot cider in the thermos, warm cookies in the insulated bag.” The driver pointed as they snuggled under a wool blanket.
As the bells rang and the snow fell, Jarrod leaned close and gently kissed Jeanie, tasting of cider and sugar cookies.

Even though no descriptions of the actual characters are used, the reader gets an implied sense of character from how the protagonists are reacting to the various stimuli around them. Jarrod is fun-loving, spontaneous and interested in Jeanie. Jeanie is polite, yet adventurous. Both are observant and Jeanie is making memories in her mind. All those subliminal messages are picked up by the reader, placing them not only in the scene, but making them enjoy it. This allows the reader to identify with the characters even more.

Refrain from introducing a third character who describes or spends time listing all the hero or heroine’s attributes. Not only does this detract from the developing romance by putting a “three’s a crowd” aspect into the novel, but it is telling, rather than showing.

You can write a little bit of the past into the hero and heroine’s point-of-view, but only if it pertains to the developing relationship. Perhaps the hero has a small child. He can let the heroine know he adopted the child while he was overseas, or his wife ran off or died. A few paragraphs are the limit of what is needed to explain to both the heroine and the reader. The wife doesn’t even need to be named, she is non-essential to the developing relationship.

What happens in the here and now is where your hero and heroine should be. The present. Not the past. Show, don’t tell. Make your readers remember the characters long after the story is finished. Give your hero and heroine a future, a Happy Ever After.